quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
