where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
