jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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