He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
