allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
