Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
