My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
