The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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