Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
