well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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