tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
