Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Boobs speak an international language.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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