Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
