"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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