There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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