You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My feet surprised me
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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