I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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