what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
