the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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