I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
