I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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