my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
