she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
