I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
