it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
