I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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