Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
