so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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