There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
