Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
