Im at strip club and am horny
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
