you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
