At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
