She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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