Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
