so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
