At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
