Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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