If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
