Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
