He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
