Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
