god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
