she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
