I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
