That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You did what with his pubic hair?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
