i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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