Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
