Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
