Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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