Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i dont even know how to be here
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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