Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
