I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
