someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
