in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
