i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
