We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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