Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
